Daily Plan for January 20th

GOOD MORNING, DAE. TODAY YOU ARE A SOLDIER OF YOUR OWN FORTUNE.
REMEMBER TO:  keep tracking, stay on course, and give yourself permission to eat or not eat.

GOALS FOR TODAY:
Stay at 1,500 calories or UNDER
Work on website.
Write.
Bedtime routine.
Go to sleep before midnight.

MORNING FOOD
Coffee --------------160 cals
Oatmeal ------------260 cals
Blueberries -----------60 cals

Subtotal ------------480 cals

NOON
Tuna Helper -------- 400 cals
Sobe ----------------300 cals
Subtotal ------------ 700 cals

EVENING
Subtotal ------------

Total ---------------


TODAY'S END STATS
Weight: 256.4  ------ Difference from yesterday: +1.4
Total cals: TBA ---- Difference from goal: TBA

Daily Plan for Jan 19th

Another day was messed by my bizarre sleep schedule. Anyhow.

GOOD MORNING, DAE. TODAY YOU ARE A SOLDIER OF YOUR OWN FORTUNE.
REMEMBER TO:  keep tracking, stay on course, and give yourself permission to eat or not eat.

GOALS FOR TODAY:
Stay at 1,500 calories or UNDER
Say "Yes" is called in to work
Have a healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner
Do bedtime routine
Go to sleep before midnight


MORNING FOOD
Coffee --------------160 cals
Sparkling water --------0 cals
Cereal --------------150 cals

Subtotal ------------310 cals

NOON
Tuna Helper -------- 400 cals
Subtotal ------------ 400 cals

EVENING
Chicken ------------300 cals
Biscuits -------------540 cals
Subtotal ------------840 cals

Total ---------------1550 cals



TODAY'S END STATS
Weight: 255.0  ------ Difference from yesterday: +2.8
Total cals: 1550 ---- Difference from goal: 50 over

Daily Plan for Jan 17th

GOOD MORNING, LOVELY
Message for today: Keeping track keeps me on track. Remember to update blog posts frequently.

GOALS FOR TODAY
Stay close to 1,500 cals or UNDER.
Write.
Hop on elliptical.
Do bedtime routine, including shower.
Go to sleep before midnight!


MORNING FOOD
Cereal -------------------120 cals
York Peppermint Patty ----50 cals
Subtotal ------------------170cals

LUNCH FOOD
Chili ---------------------300 cals
Sandwiches ------------- 400 cals
Subtotal -----------------700 cals

DINNER FOOD
Steak --------------------300 cals
Rice ---------------------120 cals
Green beans --------------30 cals

Subtotal------------------450 cals
TOTAL ----------------1320 cals

TODAY'S END STATS:
Weight: 252.2 ---- Difference from yesterday: -2.2
Total cals: 1320  ---- Difference from goal: 180 cals
 * = estimating quite roughly

Daily Plan for Jan 16th

GOOD MORNING, LOVELY
Message for today: Keeping track keeps me on track. Remember to update blog posts frequently.


GOALS FOR TODAY
Stay close to 1,500 cals or UNDER.
Say "Yes" if called in to work.
Write.
Hop on elliptical.
Do bedtime routine, including shower.
Go to sleep before midnight!

MORNING FOOD
Oatmeal ------------------- 230 cals
Blueberries ------------------30 cals
Coffee ------------------------0 cals?
Sugar 3 TBS & 1/2 tps ---- 154 cals

Subtotal ------------------- 414 cals
Note: 3 TBS is exactly the right amount for a full cup of coffee. Can try cutting it down over time.

LUNCH FOOD
Cheesy Skillets -------------300 cals ish
Note: EW okay never eating fake cheese stuff again. This is definitely what makes me sick to my stomch. STOP EATING IT. D:

Subtotal ------------------- 300 cals


DINNER FOOD
Coffee w 3TBS of Sugar ---------154 cals
Hersheys Cookies n Cream --------80 cals
Chili ------------------------------300 cals
Cereal ----------------------------120 cals

Subtotal---------------------------654 cals

TOTAL --------------------------1368 cals



TODAY'S END STATS:
Weight: 254.4 ---- Difference from yesterday: 0
Total cals: 1368  ---- Difference from goal: 132 to spare
 * = estimating quite roughly

Daily Plan for Jan 15th - Low cal success!

Sorry I missed a day. I stayed up until 5am and then accidentally slept until 5pm, and it messed me up. I think I probably ate badly, too, because I didn't keep track of things.

GOOD MORNING, LOVELY
Message for today: Remember that it's okay to eat only a little of something, or to not eat it at all. You have food. You will not run out. If you want something in the future, you will be able to get it.

GOALS FOR TODAY
Stay close to 1,500 cals or UNDER.
Have a good day at work.
Hop on elliptical.
Do bedtime routine, including shower.
Go to sleep before midnight!

MORNING FOOD
Coffee --------------------150 cals*
Cereal --------------------180 cals
Subtotal -------------------330 cals

LUNCH FOOD
Rice lunch -----------------200 cals*
Sparkling water --------------0 cals
Subtotal -------------------200 cals

DINNER FOOD
Pizza snack --------------- 300 cals

TOTAL -------------------830 cals (wow)


TODAY'S END STATS:
Weight: 254.4 ---- Difference from yesterday: -2.8
Total cals: 830 cals ---- Difference from goal: 670 cals to use (wow)
 * = estimating quite roughly

Wow, such low cals for today. It's because I actually ended up skipping dinner and going to bed, and then ended up sleeping all night long. Lol. I still plan to get some leftovers from dinner for today.

Daily Plan Jan 13th - Success!

GOOD MORNING, LOVELY
Message for today: Remember to have confidence in yourself. It is okay to ignore what other people say, even though they don't mean to hurt you.

GOALS FOR TODAY
Stay close to 1,500 cals or UNDER.
Hop on elliptical for at least two songs.
Pack a low-cal lunch.
Have a good day at work.

MORNING FOOD
Coffee --------------------200 cals
(how about I start actually measuring how much sugar I put in?)
Cereal --------------------180 cals
Vitamins ---------------------0 cals
Subtotal -------------------380 cals

LUNCH FOOD
Rice lunch -----------------300 cals
Sparkling water --------------0 cals
Subtotal -------------------300 cals

DINNER FOOD
Chili! :D -------------------400 cals? No idea!

TODAY'S END STATS:
Weight: 257.2  ---- Difference from yesterday: +0.8
Total cals: 1080 ---- Difference from goal: 420 to spare!

I don't know how accurate my calorie count is... I tried to really estimate ABOVE, however, so hopefully if it's inaccurate, it's because it's less than I think?  Yes, I need to start being more accurate even if it means physically measuring my portions. lol  However, I am going to consider this day A GREAT SUCCESS!  AWESOME WORK, DAE.  THIS IS PROOF THAT YOU CAN MEET YOUR GOALS.

Daily Plan Jan 12th

GOOD MORNING, DAE

We need a format.  Here it comes.

-Goals (cal target, plus others, to be checked off)
-Meal reports (breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, with cals listed)
-Final stats report with weight for the day, as of morning, total cals, and the difference between goals and prev weight.

GOALS FOR TODAY

Stay close to 1,500 cals or UNDER.

Eat something real and healthy.

Hop on elliptical for 30 mins.
Sit down and chart out a daily health routine.

Change grocery list for healthier meals (ice cream is SO not gonna stay on the list, buddy.)

MORNING FOOD
York peppermint patty --------- 50 cal
Hershey Cookies n Cream ------80 cal
Cap n' crunch -----------------300 cal *
Coffee with too much sugar ----250 cal *

Subtotal -----------------------680 cal *

LUNCH FOOD
Concotion of rice + tomatoes + carrots ---- 565 cal
Sparkling water -------------------------------0 cal

Subtotal -----------------------------------565 cal

DINNER FOOD
Chicken -----------------------------------230 cal
Rice mix (above) --------------------------200 cal

Green beans --------------------------------20 cal

Subtotal -----------------------------------450 cal

TODAY'S END STATS:

Weight: 256.6  ---- Difference from yesterday: N/A

Total cals: 1695 ---- Difference from goal: 195 over

*Note: Calorie Goal is set a little too low naturally, and cal estimates of meals are set too high. For instance, I would have eaten 300 cals of cereal if I had actually eaten the whole bowl. If I overestimate my cals, I figure that I'll be able to shave them off even if I "go over" my calorie goal for the day.

Shame

I need to check in again.

The whole point of this blog was to face this head on, not avoid it. And I'm pulling the avoiding act again.

Strangely enough, my appetite has sort of evaporated. Though, I'm not losing any weight through it. I need to start monitoring my intake again, and keeping track. Sorry, but this blog will probably get boring with stat posts from me, meals and cals. I need that raw data.

Slipping a bit

Dieting is a tricky thing, let me tell you. It's easy to count calories, but it's harder to keep track of sodium, sugar, carbs, proteins, etc, all at the same time and make sure you stay within daily limits. (I don't think I even know what my daily limits for those things are until I exceed them. Must learn how to keep an eye on these things.)

I must admit, I've been sloppy lately. I will sometimes track half of what I've eaten for the day, and not every item of food. I've also had a couple times where I eat what I really shouldn't. Not really an actual binge, but bad enough, such as an excessive amount of potato chips in one day.

Today I loaded up on a big breakfast, trying to make sure that I could make it through my work shift on 4 hours of sleep. I don't run well on little sleep, so I made sure to look up foods that would give me energy. I had coffee, orange juice, oatmeal, and an orange. I even planned on having yogurt, but I was actually full by then. It's weird for me to be full and go without food for a while... it makes me a little nervous, which is part of the problem.

I still need to make a proper exercise regiment. I have yet to do more with my elliptical machine than fiddle around with it here and there. I heard that the recommended amount of exercise is 30 minutes 5 days a week. That'd definitely be a step up from my current amount of exercise.

Right now I'm hovering at 258 pounds. If I tighten up my eating and compulsive snacking, and get moving a little more, I know I can keep losing weight. Just reminding/allowing myself to snack on apples and oranges should be a big help. I need to remember that when it comes to fruit, it's okay to indulge. It's better to have two apples than one apple and a bag of chips, right?

Realization

Happy Holidays everyone! It's been a little while since I updated. I'd like to officially announce that I've reached the 250+ range, with a weight coming in consistently under 260. This means - you guessed it - a new tag.

I spent Thanksgiving at my dad's house with the rest of his side of the family. I arrived a couple days early to avoid a snowstorm. I woke up after the first night to a foot of snow!

It wasn't easy being there. There's nothing to eat there whatsoever, or even if there is I don't feel like I can have it because 1. I've been away for so long, I feel like a stranger. 2. The food is often left out to spoil, or forgotten for too long. It's really gross.

I was lucky this time, because I actually had a bed to sleep on, with sheets and everything. Lucky I brought my own pillow and comforter. There was also toilet paper in the (disgusting) bathroom. No hot water, though.

Worse than the state of the house, though, was realizing a few things about my family. Even though I love my dad, I realized that he will never love me. On the trip down I asked him for advice about what to do if I ever had to come out to the rest of the family. They don't know I'm gay yet, because I'm afraid of how my grandfather would take it. I think my aunt already knows, and the rest can take a long walk off a short pier. :P But he told me not to bring it up. Not to say anything at all.

It's not just that. It's also the way that he and my uncles visibly tune out when I try to talk about anything. It's the way that nothing I do can impress them. I even went so far as to go to a college that was completely wrong for me, trying to make my dad proud. He reacted to the news of me going to college the same way he reacted to the news of me dropping out of it.

I feel sort of cheated. I've wasted so many years of my life trying to fit into that lifestyle. I've always considered that shitty house to be my one true home. I'd have nightmares of that place and still call it "home". Nightmares of just being alone in that horrible place. I've finally realized that it is not my home. I spent some of my childhood there, but it was never where I belonged.

I took my true home for granted. For some people, home and family is what you make it. I have that here in this little city with my mom and my weird adopted "family". I have everything I need here. My mother does everything in her power to care for me. My friends actually listen to what I say and take interest in it. I feel welcomed and wanted here.

Somehow, I need to be able to live a fulfilling life. Not when I weigh x lbs, but now, and tomorrow, and further on. I need to figure out how I can truly feel good about myself, and truly love myself. Letting go of the things that hurt me will be a decent start.